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The Best Advice About Marriage

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Marriage can be fun, but it can also have its tough times. I love my husband, but without being given the best advice about marriage, I probably would not still be with him. The best advice on marriage can sound silly to think about or hear when you’re first married. You call it the honeymoon stage for a reason though. The best advice for marriage will obviously come from women older than you.

Why should you listen to the older generations?

The biggest thing to remember is not to take their advice for granted. You may believe your relationship with your significant other is different, but I promise you, they have been there before. They have been though it all.

When I was young, I used to believe no one could understand what I was going through.

In reality, they could understand better than I did in that moment.

Stress Factors in Life

There are many instances where your stress acclimates up and that’s okay.

Certain add ons in life can deter you from each other before you even realize it.

The biggest stress factor for my marriage was adding children. Children are such a gift and I wouldn’t give anything for my lovely babies, but they did put a strain on my marriage at one point.

Life gets busy and you get into a routine with your spouse before long. Add on children and your life will progressively get busier and busier.

Unfortunately, if you don’t pay attention to it, you will slowly give less and less time to your spouse. That is what happened to us until we changed it. Even while being a stay at home mom this can happen.

Life takes over and you are just trying to survive the day.

Do your children drain you?

Is it work that drains you?

Or something else?

The days have changed to where some advice has to be altered at a point.

For example, my grandmother always told me to wind the night down with my husband no matter how tired I was. At least spend a little time together.

The struggle for this example is that they did not have technology back then. I used that advice, but the only downfall to this advice was that during the “wind down time” I was staying on my phone.

The Best Advice About Marriage: Time Matters

Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, Pinterest, and so much more are out there at this point. I love having it all at my fingertips.

How much time do you spend on it though?

If you go to look at one thing real quick, you could end up scrolling for hours before realizing it.

This is what I had to add on to her advice.

Just stop and put your phones away like you did when you were dating. Things don’t have to change because you are married now. The biggest downfall in a marriage is when you stop giving that effort you did when you were in the dating stage.

You may feel as if you have spent plenty of time with them. Is that time with them becoming part of a routine? If so, it will slowly become ineffective. Both of you will stop giving it your full attention and effort when it becomes a routine, because it is nothing new to you.

Life can get pretty hectic, especially if you add others in there demanding your attention as well.

Balancing it all getting tough?

Take time with your children by doing something as a family. That way, they are all getting some time with you.

Stop putting your significant other into the routine.

Do your normal stuff, but add in date nights with them.

Add in time away from electronics with each other. Some things do not need to change just because you are married now.

Do those small things for each other that you used to do. It still means just as much to them and maybe it means even more to them now because they know how hectic life is.

Problems Happen to All of Us

Tell them you love them everyday and how much you appreciate them and everything they do for you.

A strain can be caused by even a small thing. At one moment, I felt so estranged from my spouse because he did not tell me those little things. I felt like I didn’t amount to those things any longer, but in reality, he had been so overwhelmed with work and our kid that he just didn’t think about it anymore. He did recently tell me that he was upset at one time because I stopped telling him how grateful I was to have him.

Still grateful, but just stopped saying it?

It begins to get difficult to remember the small things like those examples. The small things are what can mean the most to people sometimes. Some people prefer to hear how appreciated and loved they are then have a gift bought for them.

It costs $0 to tell them these things.

They appreciate hearing it whether it is over the phone, text, or in person.

You want to enjoy growing your family, but you also need to remember why you start a family.

Our children are a blessing, but who started the whole family?

It was just you two originally. Both of you created a loving family together.

To keep it a loving family, you need to take time for the two who started it.

I hate leaving my kids. You can get tired of them and say stuff about wanting a break a lot, but as soon as they are away, you want them back. Those times where you can focus on each other away from your kids are what can balance your family.

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How Can This Advice Help My Marriage?

The amount of time you spend together doesn’t matter. It’s the effort to have that one on one time that truly matters. After a period of time living together, they know when something is going on. You both will learn exactly how to read each other.

I know I am stressing that spending time with each other will help, but there is one big thing to remember when having these times together. Do not just do what you like or what they like. To be thoroughly enjoyed by both of you, it needs to be a rotation of picking what to do. Both of you will get to do fun things with each other. Also, you both get a turn to do something you want as well.

Even if you hate what they pick, do not show it or say it. You want to have an open relationship with each other, but you also need to do things the other person wants sometimes even if you hate it.

Haven’t tried what they want to do?

Go for it! You never know what you could actually be missing out on. Give it a shot for them. Don’t just say no or shoot it down because it makes you feel uncomfortable when you think about trying something new. Put that effort in and try it, you may like it.

Difference In Views of Life?
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Is your significant other goofy?

Don’t try to make them hide it.

Just enjoy it. They will make moments so much better.

Just to look back and see the memories.

This picture is my husband being goofy while we were doing a maternity pictures.

I originally got aggravated that he wasn’t taking the pictures seriously, but he was. He was just adding some fun and personality to them.

Now, my favorite pictures of the photo shoot are when he was acting out.

All you need to have a successful marriage is some give and take. Things don’t have to go a specific way nor will they. Enjoy the little moments and almost always they will become your favorite memories that you don’t ever want to forget.

Take that spare time and spend it with them. One day you will not have the choice anymore. Take it for granted while you still have the opportunity.

Check out my post Mommy Me Time if you need some you time.

~Ashley

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